Personal Testimony of where I came from!

For awhile now the Lord has been putting on my heart to share my testimony because someone needs to hear it, I took the first step and submitted and said I'm all yours Lord use me where you will.  Well after reading this ...I feel it weighing heavy on my heart that this needs to be shared on here, so if your struggling with anything like this or know someone who is please keep reading.  Ever since I was younger I developed this mindset that I wasn't good enough, I always compared myself to other people and one person in particular who was my best friend.  When we were around 12 years old someone in my distant family made a comment that reassured that not being good enough opinion I had of myself and I guess you can say it all started from there and for many years to come I struggled with acceptance, not feeling good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough.  When I was about 15 years old something happened in my life that may seem minor to many but it was a huge breaking point for me, I won't get into detail because that's not the point of my testimony but after the hurt and rejection I felt from that situation it took me years to get through it and I started taking drastic measures to lose weight I would go days on end without eating, I was on diet pills at some point also taking laxatives, water pills, and on top of that when I would eat I would just make myself sick to the point of throwing up.  I honestly don't even know how I functioned, but I did and I thought I was happy because I finally started to feel "skinny" and people were giving me attention for it, but all the while I had this piece that was missing and I knew it because deep down inside at the end of the day I wasn't happy.  Throughout my struggle with the many eating disorders I struggled with depression, anxiety worried about my parents finding out about the measures I was taking.  I specifically remember someone at church asking me if my parents were worried about me and I said no why and they said because of all the weight you've lost and that just drove my anxiety even more realizing that people were noticing.  There were many instances like that that should have been wake up calls for me but I ignored it and kept doing what I was doing.  One time we were getting ready to leave for vacation and I was standing in the kitchen and my vision started going I started seeing black spots and couldn't feel my arms so I laid down on the kitchen floor and was staring up at the light and could barely see so I put my hand in front of my face to see if I could see that and nothing I was more scared then ever so I just prayed help me Lord and within seconds my vision started coming back and I was able to pull myself up off the floor to eat something because it had been days since I had eaten anything and slowly I started feeling like myself again and was able to function without anyone knowing what was going on.  I look back now and I wonder what ever made me stop and then I think about my parents always praying for me, and realize how truly blessed I was to be able to come through something like that without any of the worlds interventions.  The sad truth is eating disorders are an illness that is not easy to get rid of its an addiction and I know now that it was only by the grace of God that HE brought me through those things.  I didn't have anything major happen in my life for me to stop it just slowly but surely started to fade away and I stopped doing those things and that was all the Lord because I couldn't have done it on my own and I thank God He did because I don't know if I would be here today if I kept doing what I was doing.  I'm not saying i'm perfect now, I'm far from it, I still struggle with insecurities at times like we all do and wanting to get my body back after having my biggest blessing my little girl, but for the first time I have the right mind set and am doing it for the right reasons, I want to be the best version of myself so I can be an example to my little girl to show that her mommy never gave up and it's only by the grace of God that I can say that.  There is so much more I could say about my testimony  but this is what the Lord has been laying on my heart to share, so I hope someone reading this can feel encouraged by this and know that if anyone would want to talk feel free to message me & NEVER GIVE UP BECAUSE GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOU!